I’m alone in a big city. This is not by accident; it is a product of a conscious and firm decision, and boy it was a tough one too. I could have remained in my quaint and cozy place with my family and friends but instead I chose to go somewhere far away alone. “Fresh start” as I call it, an opportunity to start anew and to discover/rediscover my passion and to focus in school.
Fresh start – I like the sound of it, it sounds brave and exciting. I’d like to think that me moving here was a bold and brave move but sometimes I think it was instead a product of cowardice; that I was just running away from everything and everyone. Maybe a fresh start was not what I was seeking, maybe it was just to ESCAPE.
I thought I had it all figured out just months ago. Everything was going smooth especially school, at times a little bumpy but nothing I couldn’t handle. Until a heartbreak consumed me and ruined everything.
It was pretty much like what every heartbreak was – boy meets girl, there was a spark, moments of bliss, then boy fell out of love, leaves the other with no explanation but instead explained it to other people, girl was left alone clueless, girl decided to move on but can’t so instead she went on staring at the ceiling every damn night while listening to her self-made playlist of pure heartbreak songs (Adele, you’re my patron saint) while also talking to herself inside her head. So yea, that was the recipe for the disaster and that happened for months while the semester was on going. So instead of studying (which I do every night until well you know what it is) I instead spent my nights with Adele, The Perishers and Nina. I made a carefully arranged playlist detailing my heartbreak story and I listened to it every night.
I failed a subject which meant it was time to chop off my head (cue Red Queen’s voice saying “Off with her head!”), and off my head it was. And here I am now, here, alone in this big city, hundreds of miles away from home and everyone.
Was I just running away? Escaping?
That I really don’t know. But I would very much like to think that this is me being brave and bold, that wherever and whatever I’m in now is just a detour and that something greater and bigger is ahead and in store for me.